Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
