They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
