I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
