just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
