i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
