I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
