So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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