someone owes me an orgasm
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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