I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
