i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
