Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
