Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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