I'm jealous of your bromance
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
