I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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