Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
