I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
