so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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