Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
birth control should be required to get into college
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
