i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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