Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The feeling are messing with the penis
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
