At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
