If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
