When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
