just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
