Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
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