I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
