I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
that's an acceptable place to lick
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
