Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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