What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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