I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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