hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
