I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
