he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
