You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
