Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
