well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
