Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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