but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
