I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My liver just had a heart attack.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Randomize
