new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
