he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
