This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
