I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
