i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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