I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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