I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
