I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
