I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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