Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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