She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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