I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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