We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
