We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The Olympian is in my bed
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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